I just got home.......

....I spent most of the day...well...you see my blog posts.....I posted like crazy in the morning. There are times when I need to get things off my chest and I'd rather write it down...this way, no one has to listen, no one has to talk back...I just want to speak without anyone talking back...I just want to be heard.

I wanted to start a post earlier this evening...I drank too much last night and just passed out. Yeah, I'm drinking again. A lot. I have a movie on and I've got 5 bottles of wine waiting in front of me.

Thank you for not calling me an alcoholic...I'm not. But when you come from where I am...well, a drink or two or 10 helps. We're all from different backgrounds and have different reasons for our misery.

But I'm not miserable.

I'm just trying to figure out what to do next. I know my own M.O. I know, from my past, what I'm going to do next. And it sucks. I like it here.

Maybe for once, I'll stick it out.

Maybe I need to take a vacation.

I don't know. I've been so confused lately. But I know me well enough...I'm steady...and I'll be able to handle what comes my way.

Just did not want to do it alone.

"If I do not desire, I will not suffer."