Made it home ok.

I made it home ok...drove up, checked the mail, which I have tons of...parked the car, walked into the apartment...peeled off my work clothes, pulled out all the wine I got from Bevmo, warmed up the computer, poured a heavy pour of some Noir, turned on the TV....and here I am.

I'm doing this blog, drinking some wine, watching a movie. It's called Definitely, Maybe. And I really like it.

The movie is so sweet....It's a romantic comedy. I know right? You'd think I'd be the last person on this earth watching a movie like this. I like all movies. I have preferences...but I don't mind watching flicks like this. Makes me smile sometimes. And I could use anything right now to make me smile.

I think a couple of posts down, I had written, at the end, "If I do not desire, I will not suffer" as my ending tagline. I spent a lot of today thinking. I was looking back at my memories from when I was a kid, following a timeline all the way up to now. I was looking at my most happiest moments. And my most sad moments.

You know, it's funny....I do things in my life and sometimes, certain things, places, smells...they bring back memories of people.

I'll firmly believe in my tagline. Those sad moments? Because I had desired.

The suffering is not worth it anymore.

So I have to stop the desire.

I have a good job. I have my kids, Tic Tac and Skittles. I have my family.

There's not much more I need.

I'll lead a good life. I'll do right. I'll help those around me that need it.

And I'll never ask for anything in return.

But I will ask God to have patience with me and to please forgive me when I mess up.

Don't worry, this is not me giving up.

I never give up. I'm a fighter. Always have been.

I'm just tired. Really tired.

It's me accepting the fact that there is no one.

It's me understanding this. I'm smiling right now.

Be happy for me, ok?

This is all that I have left.

This is what I will be.

This is my life.

This is my happy ending.

"If I do not desire, I will not suffer."